Tension...

I love how pretty flowers look in my yard, but I also like how they look in a vase on my window sill. Do I leave them in the yard where they might last longer and announce "spring" to all who see them? Or, do I cut them and put them in the house where I'll think of the glory of God's creation each time I walk in the room? I have that minor debate in my mind often during the spring and summer months. Thankfully this weekend I went for bringing them inside. The warm-sunny weather that brought the flowers out of the ground on Saturday didn't stay. If I had not brought them inside, they would not have lasted very long....



The snow certainly looks pretty, but I don't think my delicate daffodils would have survived...



I find myself often having many, more significant, debates in my mind and my heart. What does it look like to live as an American following Christ? What does it look like to honor and serve my brothers and sisters in other countries and around the corner who's realities are so different from mine?

Things I have a little clarity about:
- I like look nice and presentable - I will do most of my shopping at thrift stores and buy jewelry that supports justice (like this or this, for example).
- Extravagance has a place. I hate the thought of being showy or giving gifts for no reason. But to intentionally honor someone, I think gift-giving and celebration is very pleasing to the Father.
- My home. While this certainly has places of tension - I am so, so grateful for a warm, safe place to sleep and I like the idea of having a comfortable and place to invite people to.

Things I struggle with:
- Water. I always have water - to brush my teeth, do the dishes, even flush the toilet. It feels selfish, wasteful...something - that it is always there and always clean, even to flush the toilet - when so many people don't even have one cup of clean water to drink.
- My home. While I am thankful for the opportunities we have to share our home, there are plenty of nights when our guest room is empty. And I know there are people who don't have a place to sleep - so why are they not in the empty bed in my house?
- Time. I am thankful for a healthy body with which to work hard. I know we are commanded in scripture to rest. I enjoy resting. But do I have the right balance? What does it look like to take the rest God commands and then to spend myself all the other moments?
- Food. I love to serve people. I love the idea of making a nice meal or a special dessert for a person or a family - I think there is much potential for real, healing relationship to be developed over sharing a meal. But...then there's the fact that I know there are hungry people not far from me and there is extra on my shelves...

There are certainly other tensions floating in my heart and my mind, but these are what come to the forefront as I prepare for the trip to Ethiopia and Kenya I'll take with a World Orphans team in a few weeks. I am humbled by the opportunity to visit and spend time with our Ethiopian and Kenyan brothers and sisters who are serving Christ by caring for orphans and I pray that my heart will be soft and obedient as I wrestle with the ever present tensions...